A noble attempt falls short

Dita Von Teese is best known as a burlesque dancer, entrepreneur and ex-wife of Marilyn Manson. With the release of her self-titled album, a project with Sébastien Tellier, the multi-talented muse tries her hand at music. Unfortunately, Dita Von Teese serves as proof that she is not a master of all trades. Although she had previously featured on songs with Die Antwoord as well as Monarchy, Von Teese notes in interviews surrounding the new release that she “is not a singer” — something that becomes quite obvious upon listening to the album.

Dita Von Teese opens with “Sparkling Rain.” The tone and beat are reminiscent of ’80s pop music and it has a certain karaoke track feel to it. Once Von Teese begins to sing, it becomes immediately clear that she is not the most gifted vocalist even with the help of excessive reverb and breathy sexuality. “Sparkling Rain” drifts gently and unremarkably into the second track, “Rendez-vous,” with the only noticeable difference being a French feel to the melody. Although the lyrics are certainly not something the ear is drawn to, they are also weak. With lines such as the excessive “my tongue in the juice of sugar again,” one can at least take solace in knowing that good lyrics weren’t wasted on such vapid music. The French vibe runs throughout the album and is amplified in later tracks featuring lyrics entirely in French, starting with “La vie est un jeu.” Even to a listener unfamiliar with the language, it is clear that Von Teese is speaking a language foreign to her. Just when it seems the album couldn’t get any cheesier, Von Teese ups the ante by adding a bird-like whistle and ending the track in a solid minute of flirtatious giggles.

“My Lips on Your Lips” has Von Teese return to her native tongue and is certainly one of the better songs on the album. The production still feels amateur, but it features a twinge of R&B stylings that make it more enjoyable. However, “Bird of Prey” follows, a song that is as boring as Muzak without the mercy of being as easy to ignore. Returning to French lyrics, “Parfum” is another unforgiving track for Von Teese. The mix shines far too much light on her vocals, making the song sound like spoken word. “Saticula” is a highlight of the album, with a nice piano melody. This track is more subtle in its vocals from Von Teese and her voice here is at its best, although the amplified gasps and moans towards the end are a bit cloying. The final songs of the album are just as insufferable as the earlier tracks, with no noteworthy or remarkable differences.

It is clear that Dita Von Teese is a project born of a muse-artist relationship between Von Teese and Tellier —an album meant to translate her undeniable sexuality into music. While it is admirable of Von Teese to accept the challenge of her own album, the end result is lacking in merit. Dita Von Teese delivers music that is uninteresting and distractingly tacky. Overall, the album is best defined by its corny production, glaringly untrained vocals and unimaginative musical arrangements.