The immortal life of GWAR

GWAR has been around for a long time. A long, long time. GWAR formed in 1984, but they are not the same today as they were back then. They have perfected a beguiling schtick to achieve immortal life—that is—rotating out band members as time goes on but staying under the same collective name that metalheads around the world have come to know and love. Even though GWAR has been putting out media longer than the creators of The Simpsons, their latest album, The New Dark Ages, proves that GWAR is still alive, thriving and delivering shock value. As the ‘80s are currently having a resurgence in popular culture, The New Dark Ages fits perfectly in the landscape of our new normal. Throughout this album, GWAR hangs on to elements of ‘80s glam metal, such as gritty vocal timbre and chanty hooks, and uses them as condiments on their graphically explicit satirical sandwich.

A low, ominous hum behind a set of chimes resembling church bells leads the listener into the “New Dark Age,” the album’s opening track. A soft, sliding guitar line enters that is paired with a rambling beat on the toms, building anticipation for the introduction of the lyrics. As that anticipation climaxes and the familiar, steady chugging sets in, the opening lyrics “no more age of reason” sets the intention for the album’s political satire to take shape. Later lyrics comment on the current hot topic of fake news stating, “lies have become contagious.” Listening to GWAR is like hanging with the bros. It’s a place where one can explore what’s going on in the world, but still shoot the breeze and say whatever comes to mind without overthinking or trying to be politically correct. That freedom of thought is always apparent when listening to GWAR, which may be another key to their success in garnering a cult-like following.

A song on this album that tells a compelling story is a musically tidy thrash metal track entitled “The Cutter.” It first grabs attention by breaking the fourth wall in its opening lyric “here’s the first line of the motherfucking song.” (Whoa. Okay then, thanks for letting us know.) The song describes how “she was sick of feeling numb, she decided not to suffer…now she is The Cutter. She don’t hurt herself, she hurts you.” It’s an unexpected ending to a depressing story, creating a murderous anti-hero to cheer for. For another trippy storyline, check out the track “Bored to Death,” a double entendre with one heck of a twist ending.

GWAR is represented by its own set of characters and corresponding mythology. A couple of examples of characters from the GWAR universe are “Beefcake The Mighty,” the “heaviest of all heavy metal bassist” and “Bälsäc The Jaws ‘O Death,” who apparently likes to contemplate suicide on dates. Some tracks on The New Dark Ages such as “Berserker Mode” and “Unto the Breach” give insight into the character’s personalities and backstories delivered via thrash metal rock opera. Additional character information can be found on their website, gwar.net.

The album closes out quite nicely with the extended fifteenth track “Deus Ex Monstrum,” clocking in at eleven minutes and fifty-one seconds. The menacing hum that opened the album returns for an additional appearance. It hovers throughout the song, setting an eerie mood as the listener is taken through a hellish soundscape that is both primeval and futuristic.

Amongst many other things, GWAR has CBD, GWAR has NFTs, GWAR has an IPA, and now, GWAR has delivered The New Dark Ages. This album, along with any other album in GWAR’s discography, has enough versatility to either leave on as background music or to focus in on and enjoy several times over.

Because The New Dark Ages truly gets better with every listen, it’s only fair to close this review with some cynical phrasing taken directly from the album. While listening, be sure to “get your titties out and put them on the glass” because “tonight we celebrate and watch the world die.”