Cabinet of Millionaires – Theresa

Why?

Cabinet of Millionaires, the dance group that describes their music as “[t]he kind of dance music that DJ’s like Andy Weatherall would turn people onto or the Talking Heads would delight the New York uber cool clubs with,” released their latest EP Theresa, which features its eponymous song and four different mixes of the song.

This project is just another song that’s trying to capitalize on Theresa May’s dismal performance as the United Kingdom’s Prime Minister with its simplistic lyrics that plead for saving the National Health Service and calling her out for “selling arms for illegal wars.” Sure, there’s probably going to be a significant portion of the listening populace that will agree with the premise of the song, that being how bad of a job she’s doing in Downing Street (45 percent of voters disapproved of her in 2018 polls), but at what cost do listeners have to put up with 3:10 of a lackadaisical opener and all of its remixes just because they agree with it?

Where this song does succeed is in its downright unpleasantness that it creates–with vocals that channel the lower tier of gospel music with its preachy vocals that are outdated and belong back in the late’90ss.

Even when you don’t have to listen to the faux-gospel vocals and strip down the song to just the instrumental version and focus solely on the production that makes it up, there’s nothing in this EP that hasn’t been tried and done (and much better as well) before with its almost brostep like synthesizers and drum machines that tend to glaringly stand out instead of meshing in with the rest of the production.

At this song’s—and really, this EP’s—best, the production sounds like a perpetual loop of the transition in LCD Soundsystem’s “Yeah (Crass Version)” when the track goes from its sung part to the electroclash breakdown. While it’s one thing to take inspiration and invigorating a song with its own unique touch, there comes a point where a song will be too derivative and lose some of its artistic merit. This, unfortunately, is where Theresa is at.

Admittedly, it may not be in the best interest for Americans to speak on the political issues and matters of another country. This is especially true when the situation in the United States is making the headlines nearly every day. On issues pertaining to music, however, this American reviewer has mustered up some authority to talk about what is good and what is not good. By all measures, this is not good.

Francisco Martinez: Francisco Martinez is a second-year student at California Polytechnic State University in San Luis Obispo, pursuing a B.S. in journalism with a minor in statistics. When he's not reviewing the latest albums, he's a news anchor for his college radio station, sports journalist for the college newspaper or probably on the hunt for the best burger in the world. He attributes his passion of music discovery to his hatred of awful Spanish-language ranchera music. Martinez is a native of the San Francisco Bay Area.
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