Scott Weiland, former vocalist for Stone Temple Pilots and Velvet Revolver, died on December 3rd, 2015, while on a tour stop in Bloomington, MN; four days later, his ex-wife released a letter to Rolling Stone detailing her feelings about his death.

The letter was written with the help of the former couple’s two children, Noah, 15, and Lucy, 13. Mary Weiland begins the letter by saying that though the public will recognize December 3rd as the day Scott died, the children “lost their father years ago.” She thanks the public for their “outpouring of condolences and prayers offered to [their children],” and also makes clear that the letter does not intend to downplay Scott’s talent as a musician: she acknowledges his ability to “light up any stage,” but chastises society for their insatiable interest in public figures, like Scott, who are struggling. “We read awful show reviews, watch videos of artists falling down, unable to recall their lyrics streaming on a teleprompter just a few feet away. And then we click ‘add to cart’ because what actually belongs in a hospital is now considered art,” she wrote.

She then details Scott’s mental issues and substance abuse, stating that his paranoia was something that took a toll on all of them, including being a catalyst for Mary’s own depression. She attributes much of his absence as a father in their children’s lives – which she claims happens often with artists like him – to these issues:

Even after Scott and I split up, I spent countless hours trying to calm his paranoid fits, pushing him into the shower and filling him with coffee, just so that I could drop him into the audience at Noah’s talent show, or Lucy’s musical. Those short encounters were my attempts at giving the kids a feeling of normalcy with their dad. But anything longer would often turn into something scary and uncomfortable for them.

His absence increased exponentially after he remarried in 2013; Mary wrote that the kids were not invited to his wedding, had never been into his house and didn’t see their newly-atheist father in the audience at their Christmas Eve play.

She ends the letter by stating that its intention is not to cast judgement on Scott as a father, but to recognize that many children experience what Noah and Lucy had and that these issues need to be acknowledged.

If you’re a parent not giving your best effort, all anyone asks is that you try just a little harder and don’t give up. Progress, not perfection, is what your children are praying for. Our hope for Scott has died, but there is still hope for others. Let’s choose to make this the first time we don’t glorify this tragedy with talk of rock and roll and the demons that, by the way, don’t have to come with it. Skip the depressing T-shirt with 1967-2015 on it – use the money to take a kid to a ballgame or out for ice cream.