Two Smoking Headphones

“Hi, this is Jason Statham. Thanks for getting on this conference call about my new film Transporter 6: Heads in a Duffel Bag. Out of the gate, I have to talk first about the strength—really, the costar of this movie. The chase and fight scenes which are so smashing in these films wouldn’t be anything without an edgy soundtrack behind them to pump up the drama, so we’ll be using electronic music throughout from the new album Love Death Immortality by The Glitch Mob.

“So, these three L.A. guys– what I had heard on their debut Drink the Sea wasn’t my cup of tea. It was real muddy-sounding EDM, a real bodge job. All the main synth runs sounded like, I dunno, prog-rock or post-rock in some arena that was too big for them. That distorted-guitar feel now sounds like mainstream horns. Wayne Shorter, Chuck Mangione, there’s definitely a jazzier thing going on here. And I can tell, I played an audiophile with a bad assassination habit in The Mechanic. I mean, this is the sound of The Glitch Mob blowing the shite out of their pipes. Everything registers clearer, bigger, brassier– even the bass drops in songs like ‘Skullclub’ and ‘Fly by Night Only.’ There’s a lot of unnecessary weight that’s been lifted from Love Death Immortality, like one of my stunt Audis after having its doors sheared off.

“If this weren’t the soundtrack to my movie I’m sure you’d hear stuff like ‘Skytoucher’ and ‘Our Demons’ in some daft video game like Sonic the Hedgehog. Hey, I could play Sonic! Run around collecting swag, crash into things, defeat bosses like my other movies, just painted blue with a spiky wig on my head. Anyway, where was I? Right, we also use a little bit of slower-grind, fuzzy funk on here, and the girls who help out The Glitch Mob on ‘I Need My Memory Back’ and such, that makes for great expository interstitial sound. Think back to Mirwais’ ‘Disco Science’ in Snatch, see? Quality stuff for the kind of Brit grit you see me in. ‘Brit grit,’ I just made up that genre.

“So we’ll get more into Transporter 6 now, but yeah, we’re gobsmacked by Love Death Immortality. It’s like having a Jason Statham movie in your mind and ears, minus the Eurotrash villains and their terrible accents and without being nearly as exhausted by the end. Any questions so far?”